The Babs

This is Bib
And I am Bab
We tend to be
Quite scantily clad

We got like minds
Like everyfins
We fink just like
Identical twins

I’m ditzy dippy
She’s gibberty flippy
But all agree
Wees exceedingly pretty

Our hour glass figures
Both trim and slim
Soft and wet to touch
For the right kind of Him

Wees pleasurably
Pleasin on the eye
But deep within
Wees rather shy

We don’t know much
About very bad fins
Such as slap and tickle
All them norty sins

We like to pretend we’re
Squeaky clean sweeties
But deep within wees
Irascible cheekies

We like them older
Kind of chaps
Who puffs on pipes
And doffs thems caps

Who knows how to treat
Two Babs just right
The shinin knight
In amour type

We hope to meet
Our like one day
Bobbly babbly gents
That laff and play

Who want to find us
In themselves
Identical twins
For two giggly gels

Up for funny fun fumbles
Some cheeky chortles
To ignite our sparkles
A pair of chubbly Uncles?!

The Rockin Robin Rapper

Ain’t I a sweetie
Nuffin can beat me
I cheepy cheep cheeky
Tweetin aural graffiti

A cheerful chappie
Chortlin me chatty
Like chirps of confetti
I never unhappy

Hey! Yoo little black fing
How come yoo can’t sing?
I gonna beak you all in
Eat yore legs an everyfin

And who am you buster?
Little brown job Mister
In flittery jitter
Yoo wimped out whimperer

Yoo betta consider
How stronger an fitterer
An puffed up biggerer
An so much quickerer
I am see
I the pretty boy sitterer

So get out of my tree!
Or I’ll bop your noggin
All red ruffed and dapper
Only one allowed here – me!
Mr Rockin Robin Rapper

“Chubblin up the Uncles” out now!

Listen to wot could be the new No 1 in the charts this Xmas.

“Chubblin up the Uncles” by Nizz Bygraves & The Screamers.

Please download, stream, and share, NOW!!.

Chubblin up the Uncles
Them puff them pipes away
Chubblin up the Uncles
On fingertips them lay

Every day you find them
Smokin in thems shed
Happy wen the kettle
is boilin
For the brew ahead

Chubbled wen thems sleepy
And chubbled early doors
Puffed out of pipes them does

Shed it is thems snuggly
Where them works an plays
Chubblin up the uncles
Thems in a hazey daze

Wattie and his uncles
Cuddled up in bed
Wattie and his Uncles
Bimbling in thems shed

Even if thems busy
Even wen thems tired
Happy wen the kettle
starts boilin
For the brew ahead

Chubbled wen thems sleepy
And chubbled wen them snores
Puffed out of pipes them does

Shed it is thems snuggly
Where them works an plays
Chubblin up the uncles
Thems in a dazey haze

Ezra The Eelman (frum Dorset)

I be sadere all mawnin. Nod a bite look.

Bleddy eels. Funnehfings them am.

Bud just hev tu sid. An wate like.

Them bite on theese frozinwurms usual. Kant geddenuff, luvs I’s frozin wurms as a rool.

OK. I’s tryin in bote.

And look! – Dozins cumup all asudden. Jumpin in them be.

Look add him lookin at I!

Given I evil eye he be, wants tu wrigglupp I’s arm look.

I hold hes hed tite and frottle the bugga.

Arrr. Thad bedda. I snappt up a lode on my eelbob look now.

Plenny faw I’s suppa wenigeds bak home tonite

Well affta I’s wet I’s wissle in the FleeceanFirkin furst!

Fursty wurk this fishin faw eels be! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Cheer-Eee-O!

Lissen tu this liddl viddi-O of I speekin. Bludi laff I be!! Cheer-Eee-O agin!

A Pair of !Wild! Paddlers

SHAGS: Ha! Ha! Ha!
Look at them
Wot a pair of
Wwwww…..ild…..
Ppppp……addlers!

LITTLE EGRET: Ha! Ha! Ha!
Wot they like?!
Fearless?
Intrepid?
Or Gormless?
Stupid more like!

CORMORANTS: Ha! Ha! Ha!
Why not swim?
Like us?
Why not dive right in?
Why not take the plunge?
It lovely and warm
It fresh this sea
Go give it sum lunge!

SHAGS: Ha! Ha! Ha!
Wearin all them clothes?!
Wot a lark!
Wot a larf!
Sea swillin thems ankles
Swirlin thems toes

LITTLE EGRET: Ha! Ha! Ha!
Jump in! Have a barf!
Look! Them scared to deff
Of gettin wet
Of losin breff
How daft can you get?!

CORMORANTS: Ha! Ha! Ha!
Holding hands?
Togevva?
Scared of getting stuck
In surf and sands
Them got no pluck
Such silly endeavour!

SHAGS: Ha! Ha! Ha!
Them not waterbirds
Not waterbabes
Not waterworthy
Not waterful
Not waterwise

TERN No 1: Yes, but look
Them smilin
TERN No 2: Havin a giggle
TERN NO 3: She’s doin a wiggle
TERN NO 4: He’s peein a piddle!
PIPIT NO 1: Havin a whale of a time
PIPIT NO 2: Nizz-Nuss at play!
PIPIT NO 3: Paddlins no crime
PIPIT NO 4: Perfectly OK

CORMORANTS & SHAGS & LITTLE EGRETS:
A pair of
Wwwww….ild
Wwww….addlin
Twwwww….addlin
Ppppp…..adlers
Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

SHAGS: Give us a Wave!
LITTLE EGRET: You Two!
CORMORANTS: Whoo Hoo!!

Bobs Unbunged

Yippee!
Bobs am better

Everythin in shed
Shipshape again

All that Wattie mess everywhere
Bin cleaned up, put right

Bless Im!
He tried his best
Poor lad
He can’t help bein
A Prize 1 Pest

Uncles am grateful
For Wat wat did
However hopeless
He be

Them lookin afta
The Clumsy Chump now
Tuckt up in hammock
Dreemin of gushy
Lusciousness
Am Wat

Let Im be
Says Uncles
Just let Im be

We make Im sum
Bob broff
In a mo

Get Ims strenff up
No bovva

We free am joined as One
Togevva
Im cant do wivout we
We can’t do wivout Im

Wat not made for multitaskin
Him made for
Baskin in blogs
An feelin screems
Of Gushious Gels

He be rite as rain cum mornin

Then go chop them bleddy logs!

Bunged Up Bobs

Oh dearie We!
Wat have we here?

A pair of bunged up Bobs in bed
Sniffle sneeze snortin away.

A case of The Lurgy.
The Monday Morning Man-Flu
Poor Uncles not OK!

But never fear
Doc Wattie is here

There, and everywhere
Doing his damdest
To sort his Uncles out
He them Angel of Kindness and Care

He got pots
Of bubbling broth
On the go
An stewy stews
An warmin brews
An radio on
For Nonstop Norfuck News

He plumpin up pillows
Makin sure Uncs
Got lots of Coff Drops
Lem Sips
Hot totties
An hotbots
For thems toesies
(altho why feet stickin out of boddum of bed like that Wat?!)
(Stick sum socks on em!)

He wipin Uncles snotty noses
Wiv hankies
Supplyin them wiv
Handy Peepots
Dabbin thems dozes
Givin respite, relief

He even brushin thems teef!

But Oh my Lord!
Look wat a terrible mess he makin
It be absolute chaos
In Uncles Shed

Hope them Bobs get better
Can rise revived from sickbed
Soon – like very SOON

Otherwise Doc Wattie
Gonna collapse
In heap
Like broke up Mast

Piled up to hims neck
In it, flabber all aghast
The shed in shreds
Rushed off his feet
Total deadbeat
Breeved hims last gasps

Wattie a gonna
Bobs Boy no longa.

Oh dear Uncles
Wat no good at multitasks!